Heavy Stuff

Oh WOW - Griffin starts kindergarten TOMORROW!!! ALL DAY, 5 DAYS A WEEK, KINDERGARTEN!! I can hardly believe this day is here, yet I have anticipated it for soooo long. I am a jumbled up bag of emotions right now. I feel so confident that Griffin is ready - emotionally, intellectually, physically. He is such an amazing little kid, so much personality, imagination, passion and I am really super proud of who he is becoming. I am excited for him - all the things he will be learning, new experiences, new friends. We went to his school last night for orientation and met his wonderful teacher, Ms. Howard, her energetic aide, and the super competent principal. His classroom is super cute, everything feeling fresh and clean and organized. So all that is really good.
But then there is the other side, the ripping off a band aid side. The pain I feel at our impending separation is almost a physical pain, it's that acute. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe, I am that overcome by a feeling of loss. I feel like if I let go and really sat with the pain, I may never stop crying. My baby, my first born, the twinkle in my soul, is growing up and with that comes a separating of mother and son. I have thought a lot about the hours we gazed at each other during marathon breastfeeding sessions, the times we have collapsed on the floor laughing while sharing the same sense of humor, all the hours we spent walking in the woods or at the playground just me and him - all the ways we have filled our days together up until now. Precious moments becoming precious memories.
So, I am going to embrace it all - the good feelings, the hurt feelings, all of it. I know this is just the first in a long line of events that will bring him into being more of his own man and less of my little boy. And, I am going to be PRESENT, in the moment with him, every step of the way!
So, if you are up at 7:30 AM (central time) tomorrow, send some good juju our way. I know Griffin will march into that classroom like he owns it, not looking back. I hope I can give him the support he needs and keep the tears at bay until he turns away from me. Then I can boo hoo all the way home.